Super Girlfriend Assistants

Hokay, I'm back. Lets start out with what I've been doing. One word, and a half, video-iChat. With Annie. That thing is my new fav. Now lets talk about something more serious thats been going on in my head over the past week. While I was going thru my old wallet I found something that I thought I needed to carry with me, but in reality I don't. So I came up with the conclusion, I need a super-girlfriend type assistant that carries EVERYTHING I could want at any given point and time. Like all those gift cards I don't have room for in my pockets, those special/lame ID cards that are only good at those places you got them at. Your punch reward cards for your 10th one free, that keep adding up in your wallet cause you always take them out because they only have a couple of punches, but as soon as they're out of your wallet, you go there. I KNOW, right? Those type things. Or another thing I hate carrying in my pocket, any kind of chapstick or pens. I hate having these in my pockets because sometime down the line you always forget to take them out. Forgetting to take them out, you lose them and buy new ones, they as soon as you buy that new one, you put on that same pair of jeans and find your old one. Then you have too many chapsticks laying around. Or you have the one time you decide to do you laundry, and you happen to forget to keep track of all your millions of chapsticks you have purchased cause of the chain reaction, and they ruin all your clothes. Or heres another thing, my iPod with its headphones. Sure, if I'm with a quote-unquote 'girlfriend' it would be rude to listen to my iPod around her and not give her attention, but this is the part of the solution where she's my assistant. No obligations to relationship stuff what so ever. But the fact that she's my super attractive girlfriend on the side is an awesome bonus. Next, and this one might be pushing it, but I really wish I could carry my MacBook. How am I supposed to do all the things the world demands of me without my computer? Right, you all wish you could have your laptop with you. What it comes down to is, can someone please find me someone who does all this. Acquire within. I'll tell you if you/the person you found qualifies. There is a catch, I don't think I could pay. In this 'economy' who can really get paid? We are all working for free these days.